Written by Masheded
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Topics: Murder, Law, Justice, Bristol

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

image for Jo Yeates: Bristol Police Foil Vincent Tabak Escape Bid
We sent cleaning lady on her way

Late reports are coming in to the news desk of an attemtpted escape, by Jo Yeates murder suspect Vincent "the jackal" Tabak.

Police cordoned off a large section of the Bristol area today to ensure he could not make a getaway. Police are still active in the area, but its believed the suspect has been returned to lawful custody. A cleaning lady at the station made the following statement:

"The custody seargeant was trying Vinces glasses on, like you do. He really did look quite funny. He reminded me of my late Alberts old delivery boy. He loved to ride about delivering ..(ten minutes later).. of course things were different during the war. You couldnt leave exspensive spectacles lying around in them days..."

We then moved on to to a different sensitive source, who only works weekends and the first Sunday of every month, but dosn't wish to be identified.
She said, in a brummie accent:

"The old bill have been letting him go for "Dutch Fags" in the smoking area. The custody sergeant had been trying his glasses on, and left them on the counter. The Dutch guy must have picked them up, because the next thing was, all the bells and sirens were going."

Other reports have suggested that the spectacles somehow give him a superman like disguise, and that he was able to walk out of the station without being challenged.

It's believed he somehow was spotted all the same, possibly to him briefly removing his glasses to wipe drizzle off them.

Weather has been poor recently, due to the recent poor weather.

A police source said:

"Superman or not, theres no way he'll be flying away from here again in a hurry. The Searg stamped on his specs earlier. He cried like a girl, but if his eyes are bad, he should have them taken out."

As speculation continues, so will this barrage of outrageous claims.

D.C.I Carver was unavailable for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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