Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 24 January 2011

image for The Queen won't meet the Middletons 'because she'll be dead'
"You're banned George, along with those seedy Middletons and the Aga Khan!"

London - (Prenup): The Palace's Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon said today HM had accidentally sent them a 'Sorry To hear You Are Leaving' card by mistake at Christmas "although it was festooned with festive robins and holly, heheh!"

Apparently the mere idea of breaking wind - er...bread! - with the sordid social climbers ahead of the proposed April 29th nuptials has got her in a terrible tizz.

Palace courtiers have also warned that HM is teetering on the brink because of pressure to invite the scammers to a private dinner at Buck House.

"Over her dead body, sunshine," Head of Protocol Lady Ivy Hemlock warned this afternoon, "mustn't frighten the whorses, what?"

The Bucklebury couple are said to be cock-a-hoop about their darling New Labour hoax daughter's upcoming marriage into the country's top mobster family.

Peter Tobin lookalike Michael Middleton is sparing no expense to kit out Kate ahead of the Big Day and has upped her allowance to five grand a week.

"Should but her a decent pair of tits to stuff inside the wedding dress," Vague Magazine's bridle (sic) co-respondents have suggested.

Chelsy Davy is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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