Written by j.w.
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Topics: Crocodile

Sunday, 23 January 2011

image for Croc Crocked Horror
Lickingchops in Happier Times

A crocodile in the Ukraine has lost all appetite after swallowing a cell phone dropped into his mouth by a tourist taking a photograph.

Lickingchops - the crocodile in question - has not eaten since the incident a month a go. Laxatives have not moved the phone through his system and the phone has stopped ringing.

Chief vet at the zoo, Jurqzajyhg Ingastqlobpa, said his croc was slowly deteriorating and blamed a hacking operation from sinister forces for tapping into the phone to hear the internal agonies of Lickingchops. 'It's a disgrace' he complained 'you would think investigative journalists would have something better to do. I think someone should resign.'

But news editor of 'Crocs of the World', Andrea Cookson, defended the inquiry. 'Our readers come first' she told me in an exclusive phone call heard by millions 'they want to know everything about the Crocs internal organs. We will defend this right against any interferring no-gooding, snivelling, wet yellow faced subversives.'

Already suggested cures for crocstipation have been coming from concerned readers of 'Crocs of the World'. 'My mother swore by syrup of figs' said one lover of nature. Another Mrs Briggs of Halifax offered to go the the Ukraine to cure the Croc with her special blend of appetising sour cream and tadpoles.

In what may be Lickingchops final declaration to the world he announced 'My hunger strike is a demonstration that Crocs really care. Our image has been poor for many years. Now my martyrdom must bring home to the world that cell phones should not be abused.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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