Written by Herr Riballs
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Thursday, 20 January 2011

Detectives investigating the murder of 25 year old architect, Jo Yeates, have today arrested a 32 year old man in connection with her disappearance.

In a brief press conference, police spoke only to confirm the suspect was local, 32 and a man. However, he has been held on suspicion of theft and NOT murder.

Det Insp Andrew Watkins said "At 11.30 yesterday morning, a 32 year old man, fitting the description of a petty thief, walked into a local Tesco Express in Bristol to exchange a pizza that he claimed he had purchased before Christmas. That pizza was Mozzarella, Tomato and Pesto. The exact pizza we have been trying to find for weeks."

Tesco checkout operator, Casey Scoggins, 19, said "It was just a normal morning. I was scanning this man's shopping, making small talk, asking if he wanted any help packing. That sort of thing. Then he produced a cardboard box from under his coat. It was a pizza. Mozzarella, Tomato and Pesto. I tried to act normal. He said he bought it before Christmas. Didn't like Pesto or something and could he swap it for Mozzarella, Goan sausage and Andalucian Olives."
Casey continued "That's when alarm bells started ringing. There's no such pizza as far as I'm aware."

Tesco supervisor, John Ball, said "I would like to praise Casey for her vigilance. It just goes to show that when it comes to cracking these cases, every little helps, as we say here at Tesco."

It has emerged that the man was then kept under close surveillance and was later apprehended at the Clifton branch of JJB Sports.

A JJB spokesperson said "A man, carrying a pizza box, walked up to our counter and asked for one grey hockey sock. He claimed he was a hockey player and bought a pair of socks from this store before Christmas. He was adamant our Customer Care Assistant only gave him one sock and that he wanted the other one or a full refund."

The spokesperson added "We interviewed our employee at length and he was adamant he sold two socks, not one, and that the customer was female and not a 32 year old male fitting the description of a petty thief."

Police swooped on the sport's store and caught the man red handed with a pizza and one sock; the missing pieces in the Jo Yeates jigsaw puzzle. However, Police are still appealing to members of the public to trace the missing can of Magners, though they believe this may have already been drunk, possibly on Christmas Day or even New Years Eve.

Police issued a grave warning to would-be pizza and sock thieves. Det Insp Watkins said "We will hunt you down and lock you up for a very long time." And he added "It's just not worth it. Chicago Town have some great offers on at the minute."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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