SPECIAL INVESTIGATION - TOP SECRET - Young people drafted into MI5 and MI6 found placements in dissident groups of environmentalists and other far out organisations where a new world never dreamt of before, existed difficult.
People were free and open, trusting and kind. Not a common experience for most of the spies reared at private same sex institutions. Inevitably in such an atmosphere certain 'unprofessional' associations took place.
This internal review is to establish future policy in this area so that we are not caught with our trousers down again.
First we need to recruit people who are capable of relating to members of the opposite sex naturally without becoming sexually involved. We need to look at the members of the organisations concerned for recruits so they can spy on themselves.
Secondly we must take unlimited photographs of every movement of our members to establish whether they are proceeding in a correct direction. Police must be taken away from all other criminal activity to study photographs and videos non stop from thousands of vantage points to establish all is well.
Thirdly medical examinations must be compulsory and Health professionals must be used to establish the sexual activity of our spies.
Fourthly psychiatrists must examine all our spies regularly to see if they are mad.
We are confident that these measures will ensure our country will remain free.