A man, described as a maniac by neighbours, police officers and security guards appeared at Norwich Magistrates Court today, accused of going mad in public.
The man, who cannot be named due to reporting restrictions imposed by the court, along with the fact that investigations continue as to whether he really is as mad as a punnet of newts, or whether he's just putting it on, reportedly began to lick a litter bin and cock his leg up over an ornamental fountain.
Security guards attempted to placate the man by informing him that he really was a bit loopy, and that licking litter bins was hardly likely to endear him to the local mental health team, much less the police officers who appeared quite prepared to give the man a proper kicking until they realised that they were on CCTV
The man responded by wetting his trousers, rolling over onto his back, sticking his arms and legs in the air and asking for a biscuit. Or better still, one of those pepperami sticks, which he claimed in a prolonged grunting session, helped him to concentrate on important matters such as where his next can of super strength lager was coming from.
Eventually, ambulancemen growing increasingly tired of the showing off, beat the man into a state of insensibility with truncheons, before taking him away in an ambulance and subjecting him to a series of electric shocks, by way of a defibrillator applied to the man's temples.
One ambulanceman reported that it was the only way to deal with an out of control maniac, before adding that the ploy worked quite well with the Jack Nicholson character in the motion picture film One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
But he did admit that he'd missed the final five minutes of the Oscar winning motion picture film because otherwise he'd have missed the last bus home.
The maniac was said to be completely unstable and still significantly mad by a hospital porter, as he staggered from the court, having been presented with a shiny new ASBO.