London - (Biblical Proportions): A new Downing Street memoir written by Alistair Campbell explains how tough war decisions were made by ex-PM Tony Blair.
The former communications director says Blair trawled for passages in the New Testament describing John the Baptist's own war of attrition against Saddam.
"What would Johnny-the-B really do? F*** knows, because they didn't have any cluster bombs, landmines or stealth bombers in those days," Campbell admitted during a press call.
Wife Cherie meanwhile had her head stuck inside Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code when not foraging in other orifices for inspiration.
In the end Blair rang the Pope who said a period of Bible study might help to make up his mind.
Unfortunately, Pope John Paul II was a paranoid schizophrenic whose Parkinson's Disease medication therapy convinced him Salome, a Jewish princess known for her bloodlust, was shagging Saddam in the Baghdad Winter Palace.
"And the rest as we know is hystery."