Written by Jack Melling
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Thursday, 13 January 2011

Prime Minister David Cameron is set to introduce a new Nick Clegg shield to the Ministry of Defence (MoD), as part of the government's commitment to the armed forces.

The new Nick Clegg shield has been successfully trialled by David Cameron since he became Prime Minister in May last year.

The shield, modelled on Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, is able to withhold any attacks, while preserving the user's health and reputation.

This ability to withhold any attacks from opposition despite the user's own shortcomings and ineptitude is one of the main reasons why the MoD decided to introduce the shield for future combat.

David Cameron says, "Since May the Conservatives have made a series of unpopular decisions with all the cuts, broken election promises and, of course, the recent VAT rise, but somehow our reputation is still intact and relatively unscathed."

"I firmly believe that one of the main reasons for this is because I've been using the Nick Clegg shield. This has taken most of the flak for all of my decisions, lies, deceit and inept leadership, with people attacking the shield rather than myself or my Conservative colleagues."

Other products in the Nick Clegg franchise set to be given a trial run by the MoD include a lie detector test, which helps tell if people are lying before General Elections.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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