Local kebab, pizza and burger entrepreneurial tycoon, Ali Bullo, today revealed how an unsavoury incident involving one of his burger vans in the early hours of this morning, ruined what had hitherto been an excellent evening's trading.
The van concerned, run by one of Ali Bullo's employees, cousin Mikhmash, located in a lay-by on the A27 had enjoyed lively trade throughout the evening, selling almost all of its stock by 2:30 am.
Cousin Mikhmash had only a single cheeseburger left to sell, when he decided to pack up for the night and go to his bed, a soiled mattress by a sink in a room above a kebab shop in Fratton.
It was just as cousin Mikhmash was closing the serving hatch, when four vehicles pulled into the lay-by, disgorging their occupants, who all made a bee line for the burger van.
Mikhmash takes up the story:
"There was about twelve of them, all together, in two different groups. Them looking like they been clubbing and had got munchies. Them all very big peoples innit. Very chunky. Big tubby-chubby types, boys and girls. Them talk loud too. Them come to serving hatch and ask for cheeseburgers - I tell them that I have only one cheeseburger, and them all wanting it."
Mikhmash went on to relate how the two groups then got embroiled in a massive argument over who had arrived first, and who was the first in line with a legitimate right to purchase the single remaining cheeseburger.
"Them start shouting," Mikhmash told us. "The lye-dees was the worst. First is shouting, then is them starting pushing. Two of them worst. Two big chunky lye-dees in short dresses them start to chest bump - bouncing off each others boobies and calling terrible swearing names over who have last cheeseburger. Is very traumatic for me. It remind me of Hayling Island gun battle over last mixed kebab. Me cook last cheeseburger because me scared. Them pushing and argument in front of serving hatch and make van unstable. Me keep head down and flip burger..."
It seems that when Mikhmash finally served the last cheeseburger, a full scale brawl erupted as one of the chubby blokes grabbed the last cheeseburger and tossed a five pound note on the counter.
Although there were no serious injuries reported, passing motorists called 999 to report a brawling pile of semi naked chubby people who were effectively tearing the clothes off one another's backs in combat over the last cheeseburger. Police reported large semi naked ladies with exposed G-strings and acres of bouncing, wobbling cholestorol reinforced flesh, and fat blokes with hugely bloated beer bellies trying to hold their trousers up with one hand whilst aiming punches with the other.
The confrontation apparently ended when the last cheeseburger got knocked from somebody's grasp and fell to the ground, where somebody trod on it. Rendering it inedible.
"It was all just bladdy silly really innit?" Mikhmash opined.
We leave the last word with Ali Bullo:
"It can be dangerous, running burger van. Sometimes staff fear for them life innit. This why they am true heroes. And why I pay them three pound an hour, no questions asked."
More as we get it.