Presenting at the UK jobs summit hosted by David Cameron with the leaders of most of the top 20 companies in the UK, an Oxford Classics Don revealed his new way to move Britain out of recession.
Professor Ira Glyfickx, originally from Belgium, put forward his new theory, called Betanomics and pointed out that all the successful economies of the World had a larger alphabet than that of the UK. Japan has 81 characters, Russia has 33 and the runaway star economy of China has 47,038 Kangxi characters in it's alphabet, while Britain only has 26.
"Der iz a direct correlation between economic growthses and the linguistic alphabetses" said Ira. "If Britain could find another 5 or 6 characters for its alphabet, then the recession would be over by my calculations, in 6 weeks.
All top industrial leaders tried to come up with new characters to include as standards in the alphabet.
Marc Bolland, CEO Marks and Spencer, said he thought the recommendation was a load of hor$e $hit.
While Philip Clarke, CEO of Tesco, said they would run a 3 for the price of 2 alphabet character special if the plan was approved.
All the members of the symposium agreed to come back next week with ideas for new characters, except for Terry Duddy, CEO of Argos who thought ideas were out of stock in his organisation and he is expecting a delivery of new ideas in a month's time.
Closing the meeting Cameron thanked everyone and headed off for a dI_Imp.