Written by shea lo
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Tuesday, 11 January 2011

image for False alarm. Victoria Beckham's tummy bulge not a baby.
love me eggs and soldiers

Yesterday an excited and thrilled Victoria confirmed that she is expecting another baby Becks with husband David. Today she tweeted thanks to all her fans who have no purpose in life but to follow her life, for their good wishes.

She wrote on her Twitter page: 'Thank u so much for your kind and beautiful messages!!!we are all so happy and very excited!!!!!!x vb x'

The Beckhams, we are told are hoping for a girl to add to their badly-behaved brood of three boys - Brooklyn 11, Romeo 8, and Cruz 5.

It's going to be a summer baby and close friends say the Becks-duo do not want to know the sex of the child before it is born.

David updated his Facebook page telling fans and friends: 'I've got great news to tell you. Victoria and I are expecting a fourth child this summer.

'The boys are very excited about the arrival of their new brother or sister.'

But shortly thereafter doctors confirmed that a tummy scan showed Victoria's bulge is not a baby. At first it was believed she had somehow managed to swallow David's ball but further testing revealed a melange of a super-sized prawn mayo roll (Victoria's fave snack); a Marks & Sparks Christmas pudding and an extra-large Cadbury's Fruit and Nut bar.

A spokesperson for the disappointed couple told reporters:

"Victoria has actually been eating very well over the holidays. As you know, her normal daily diet consists of a teaspoon of tuna and 9 edamame beans. Over the years this, plus her lack of body fat prevented her from conceiving.

"However over the holidays she has been binging on roast turkey, port-drenched goose, duck fat frites, boiled pudding just like mother made and comfort foods like eggs and soldiers and marmite toast. Consequently Victoria's normally shrunken stomach has developed quite a satiated python bulge. Unfortunately the busy Becks who have been too busy to keep track of her monthly cycle jumped the gun and assumed it was a baby."

Undaunted, the duo says they will soldier on in the baby-making department because Victoria says "I just love making love with David".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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