Written by shea lo
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Sunday, 9 January 2011

image for Celebrating last birthday as commoner Kate Middleton confesses she's a big fan of The Spoof.com spoofers
TheSpoof.com writers hi-tech mobile van

Loved by the bourgeoisie; hated by the proletariat; despised by self-righteous class abjurers - she who will be Queen of England celebrates her last birthday on Sunday, as a commoner before she officially becomes British royalty.

It is understood her marmness will be marking her 29th birthday privately, giving no further details to a rabid spoof battalion ready with clicking-freezing up keyboards and dial-up modems.

Still, in a feverish frenzy rival clickhounds and salivating paparazzi got another chance on Saturday to popularize plain Kate as she attended the wedding of friends in a sleepy hamlet.

We, who have to eat cake because we cannot afford bread are told that the bride-to-be wore a black velvety topcoat over a black dress and a black pillbox hat. Prince William wore a traditional dark morning suit, and joked with photographers after the ceremony.

"Hello, hello," he said, jumping onto the sidewalk amid the camera flashes. "It's not my wedding yet."

Middleton has been under wraps since she and William announced their engagement to the world while undergoing the secret ancient cleansing rituals that all virgins are subjected to before the - ahem - royal deflowering supervised by the Grand Poobah - Phil the Greek .

So this final sartorial scrutiny is something that the great unwashed is going to have to be happy with until the Big Day.

However, Kate came across a good sport - not quite as hefty and harrumphy as the Duchess of Pork but funny in the new, refined Royal paradigm shift that the men in grey suits are trying to cultivate as part of the larger PR campaign to save their jobs - er, the Monarchy.

Mingling with starving [gate-crashing] The Spoof.com writers - working undercover ;) - who were having a jolly good feed at the wedding trough Kate jokingly poked top writer Cocky Rocky in his spindly ribs and enunciated "Oh I do so adore your stories".

A humbled Cocky, we are told, simply keeled over in sheer joy, bandy legs in the air crowing pathetically "cock-a-doodle-aroooo".

Top female spoofista 300-lb Lotta Mammary - dressed by Omar the Tent-maker - received equal opportunity admiration "Oh you're absolutely brilliant. Me, I'm as thick as a plank", along with some unsolicited girly diet tips and advice on How to Wear Black and not look like you're at a Funeral. Which resulted in the bitchy menopausal female spoofista muttering from under her hairy upper lip "Oh sod off you silly cow".

Thanks to Kate's public confession of spoof-love, spoof writers for TheSpoof.com have received an invite to the Royal Wedding although they will be seated at the servants table in the outer courtyard during the Wedding breakfast.

"No matter", said No. 4 spoof writer Seymour Eatmore [who with 700 million points is closing the writers gap on a withering Cocky Rocky], "just seat me close to the stuffed peacock and I'll work my way down".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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