Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 8 January 2011

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The Manuscript.

A manuscript, recently discovered in a house in Gosport, and believed to be the only extant copy of the hitherto unheard of Charles Dickens novel - The Winds Of The Cauliflowered Egg - was today declared to be 'an amateurishly perpetrated con.'

Investigators, upon examining the script were suspicious that the paper appeared to consist of a Woolworth's back to school A4 refill pad, and that the text had been filled in with a Bic biro.

Further suspicions were aroused as it was revealed that there were references in the body of the text to Manchester United FC, Tony Blair, Barack Obama, Coronation Street and The X-Factor.

"This could have been a breakthrough," a spokesman for 'What The Dickens!' the Dickens appreciation society groaned. "But it was just a pathetic attempt by a family of chavs to get their faces on Sky News. Research has shown that there could be as many as three 'lost' Dickens manuscripts somewhere. Dickens of course, lived just across the harbour from Gosport in Portsmouth, so geographically, it looked promising. With hindsight though, Rowner? Doesn't really seem likely that we'd find a Dickens manuscript in a sixties medium rise development. Still, you live and learn."

However, the manuscript's finder, Chas Bullfrog of Rowner remained defiant. Standing on his doorstep, dripping in bling, sipping from a can of Special Brew and resplendent in a black and white shell suit, he said:

"Can't blame a geezer for tryin' mate, can yer? It's that Randy Snowpole fifteen minutes o' fame thing innit. To be honest wiv yer, it was my boy Denzil who knocked that manuscript aht. Two months he grafted, night and day, and while it may not be a genuine Dickens it's a blindin' stab at literature for a fifteen year old. Me and his old mum's well prahd of 'im. He nearly got us on Sky News after all. Anyway, we're gonna be celebratin' tonight. As a special treat, me an' his mum's bought him a four pack of Special Brew, a bottle of Buckfast, and some spliff."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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