London - (Ponzi Wept): Auditors have uncovered a £100 million insurance scam about to dosh up Prince William on the event of his wedding day.
Diana's life was mysteriously insured for the preposterous sum just two days before the fatal Pont d'Alma crash.
A single half million dollar premium payment to Gnomes of Zurich Life et Cie was sourced to royal bankers Cunnts & Co.
Theor Mayfair branch debited an account subsequently identified as being fed by a massive Palace mortgage fraud.
Fortunately Royal Protection Racket cops duly obliged to ensure the CPS dropped all charges - and the ensuing legal wrangle ended with agreement to dosh up Princes Wills and Harry.
Just one fly has remained in the sticky ointment, defying all attempts at whitewash and chicanery.
A Special Branch dossier on the princes describes how they were both topped by their Pa one cocaine-fuelled hellish weekend circa 1986.
The lads were hastily buried in the High Grove herbaceous border and replaced with little bastard lookalikes from the Margaret Thatcher Charitable Foundation.
The paternity and maternity of the two shoo-on little bastards is enough to bring down the government.