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Wednesday, 5 January 2011

image for Will and Kate's prick-teasing, pussy-tickling wedding plans

Kate Middleton's after-shag glow blinded millions of Breakfast News viewers today as she revealed more details of the coming Royal bedding.

In an effort to keep up a brave face against decapitation threats by anarchist assassins, Will and Kate have dared to release more details of the route and character of Royal wedding. They say that they wont be intimidated and that the event will be a relaxed, low-key affair with minimum security and plenty of diarrhea tablets.

However reasonable precautions are still being taken. Kate Middleton will now drive through London in an armored car wearing a delightful bio-hazard suit with trailing tubes and face grill. Prince Will is going to parachute onto the Gothic twin towers of Westminster Abbey accompanied by Spetsnaz ant-terrorist units offered as a gift by Putin. Unfortunately there wont be enough time for Will to remove his black oil face-paint, but wet wipes will be provided for Kate after he kisses the bride.

The decision for them to be married by the Archbishop of Canterbury, has also been made with security considerations in mind, as he is known to be trained in the Keysi Fighting Method, as well as Sayoc Kali Filipino knife fighting.

On the route after the wedding, the couple have taken the decision to entertain the crowds.Their carriage will be pulled by imprisoned university students who will be whipped forward on bleeding knees by Duchess Camilla dressed in a delightful crotchless black leather cat suit, with steel-spiked choker and nipple pinchers.

Word is out in Swingers circles that the private party being held after by the Queen at Buckingham Palace will be a formal thong and PVC affair.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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