Prince William and Kate Middleton have today announced the plans for their very unlavish wedding next Easter. Owing to the current recession, the royals will attempt to hide how incredibly rich they are.
Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams will marry the two at Westminster Abbey, which could cause problems because polygamy is illegal in the UK.
Afterwards, the two will pretend to honeymoon in Bournemouth, but will actually be sneaked out of the country to a 6-star resort in the Caribbean.
Some trouble is anticipated from certain groups, because although the taxpayer will not have to contribute towards the wedding itself, they will have to pay for security. One anarchist said, "I'm not paying for a bullet-proof car for them. It's expensive enough having to pay for the bullets."
In an attempt to bribe the public into liking the event, and also to boost television audiences, the day will be declared a national holiday.
The wedding will be broadcast on at least twelve television channels simultaneously throughout the UK. However, Channel 5 has failed to secure the rights to hidden camera footage of their honeymoon.