Written by armfeetandtoe
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Tuesday, 4 January 2011

image for Dead people to pay VAT
A new housing estate

The Government has announced that dead people will have to pay VAT on the amount of time it takes them to decompose.

In a final attempt to balance the books, every person that dies after Wednesday 5th January will pay a VAT accredited tax levy on the time it takes for their entire body to become compost.

Minister for the Environment, Wincy Willis, said it was a great idea because poor people are taking far to long to rot away and that meant little or no room for more house building.

Prime Minister, David Cameroon defended the new tax by saying; "My government and I feel, that poor people take longer to decompose because the cheap food they eat contains so much preservative the poor decompose at a rate of 80% slower than rich people. In real terms, this means we can not build more houses because the poor are causing a hold up on the cemetery's".

Finance secretary, Glenda Pound, outlined the costing of the new levy and how the payment method would only penalise the poor.

"When a person dies, they will be weighed and measured. The results will be calculated and a decomposer clerk will be assigned to that person who will determine how long the rotting process will take.

"At the end of each year, the decomposer clerk will decide if that person has decomposed enough to be made into compost. Should the rotting process end before the allotted time, that dead body will get a rebate paid into the Government privvy bank account.

"So, person A weighs 10 stone and is 5'6" That is a calculation of 5 years of rotting, at £50.00 per year plus VAT = £350 I think, because I did not do maths at university. Anyway, it will cost on average, £500. And if a dead person can not pay, because they are poor the body will be left at the roadside on a council estate."

The house of Lords will put the bill through tonight.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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