There was chaos today at HMP Fraud in West Sussex when it was revealed that over 250 prisoners had written cheques for goods they could not pay for.
Rioting village shop keepers surrounded the prison fences demanding their money or they would tear the place down.
Governor Henry Freeling said his staff had done all they can to stop the tide of bouncing cheques being written by inmates.
Police Inspector Yard said his men had arrested several shop keepers outside the prison fence armed with Biros and tubes of glue.
"It became quite nasty at one time Mr Bloom the baker arrived with a sack of stale buns but we arrested him before he could hand them out.
"Ms Fetherington from the wool shop was caught throwing darning needles at prison staff. WRVS leader Mrs Oldsock was arrested urinating on the prison Governors car. It's a disgrace".
Prisoner Lionel Bart said; "This prison is like a holiday camp! None of us has any money but we write kites out that are bouncing like fukin tennis balls! The greedy bastards in the village shops thought we were fukin great till we ran out of dosh. Fuk em!"
The Prison Authority said it had reviewed the situation and all prisoners will be given credit cards in future.