Written by Esmerelda11
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Monday, 3 January 2011

image for "I Pity Poor Queen," says Posh Spice
Queen

Following our news exclusive of yesterday, there has been an outpouring of sympathy for the Queen. Celebrities on both sides of the 'Pond' have flooded the Royal internet site with offers of help.

"We can't bear to think of poor HRH homeless!" exclaimed Victoria Beckham, in unison with her husband David, who wiped a stray tear from his ragged beard. Clutching little Romeo closer to her, the former Spice Girl continued emotionally, "What is it coming to when the leader of our nation only has four residences left, and one of them isn't fit to live in anyway."

Apparently she was referring to Windsor Castle, notoriously fire damaged some few years ago. Her husband nodded sagely, adding, "Yeah, the poor woman, and her family, and all that. She's welcome to use our pad, ain't she, Vic?"

Thus the star pair, currently living between California and Italy, have generously outlined a long term tenancy of their own palatial mansion, often nicknamed "Beckingham Palace".

"I mean, it's only one letter differet, ain't it? She'd feel well at home there."

Cheryl Cole and Simon Cowell, united for once after their recent unfortunate X Factor spats, have joined in the chorus of well wishers, though it is thought that neither has a place quite big enough for the Royals and of course the corgis, which must be accommodated. However, notably silent were, or was, Brangelina; when their publicity agent was approached, "No comment" was the sole reply. It is thought that Brad and his missus are keeping a dignified distance as they support only orphans under five years old, and do not regard the Queen as a worthy cause. It was whispered, though, that the pair had considered bidding for Buck House, as it would make a wonderful home for the three hundred and ten children they plan to adopt world wide.

This newspaper trusts that the philanthropic, golden hearted world of celebrity will not see the Queen out on the street, and that it will not fall to Emmaeus, the Homeless charity, to pick up the pieces, in conjunction with the RSPCA.

The offers continue to roll in. We'll keep you posted!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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