Written by Jonathan Wain
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Monday, 3 January 2011

In this country we pride ourselves on being a technologically advanced nation. Sure, we may not be in the league of Japan or the USA but we are definitely no slouches. That is why a recent survey by electronic games retailer E-Games has come as such a shock to many by revealing that more than 10 million children in the UK still do not have access to a copy of Guitar Hero.

Among those concerned by the survey are members of the rock fraternity. Former British rock legend Floyd Henderson, a long standing fan of the game, was one of the first to air his disbelief.

"This may seem trivial to many people, but I can assure you that the consequences could be dire. America has already overtaken us as the main exporter of rock music and if we don't increase the distribution of this game I can't see us turning things round in the future."

Floyd is not alone in expressing concern at what these statistics could mean to us; Professor Miles Stone, an expert in post 60's music at the University of Brunel, agrees.

"Although kids do not learn how to play a musical instrument as a result of this game, what it does is allow them to experience being a rock star. We need to hook these kids at an early age or we risk losing the media savvy ones to football, films or reality television."

The Great Class Divide in Rock

It is not only the music industry that has expressed its concern. Bob McKinley, spokesman for the Think Tank Dickensian Times, has a very different fear. "Did you know that almost 80% of the children without Guitar Hero come from the poorest 20% of our population? I for one fear a future where rock star becomes yet another career path that is only open to the rich."

Appallingly the government has so far refused to comment on the survey.

Now I am aware that many people will read this article and dismiss it out of hand. I will therefore leave you with a terrifying thought expressed by Floyd Henderson. "If we do not increase the distribution of this game then we risk all the music produced in this country being controlled by Simon Cowell. " I for one am sure that nobody wants to see that happen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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