Britain enters 2011 with the same-old left-overs of yore as long-simmering divisions threaten to split the Church of England.
What are they fighting over? Weapons of mass destruction? Territorial disputes? Who can save mankind first? Hell no! They're bickering over whether women - that's 51% of humankind - can be consecrated as bishops thereby allowing them to do whatever it is the male bishops do.
And just like any good poacher does while sitting in waiting - the Vatican-ian cross-dressing men in frocks quickly embraced defecting CoE frocked bishops, nuns and cross-dressers at large to increase the flock. The latest converts were quickly converted to the new way which is similar to the old way in that they supposedly worship the same god etc. but bicker over who heads their Church and assorted other quirks.
Chief Pontificus-in-waiting Cardinal Burl O'Scooney told reporters:
"Toora-loora-loora. It's always a good day when the holy mother Church can grab a few from the other side. After all we came first and when it comes to oppression and repression nobody does it better. Praise the lord and pass the pitaters!"
Meanwhile top spokesman for the non-Vaticanites - i.e. the other side, Arch Bishop Barely Broadbackside responded:
"Bring it on - we're always ready for a good display of fisticuffs"
Asked about their opinions on the consecration of women bishops the average Brit chicks in the streets unanimously agreed:
"Oh Gawd...Retail therapy is our number one form of worship and if their frocks rock & are sexier we have no problem shopping on the other side".