David Cameron has tonight spoken for the first time of his House Key Hell. The House Key Hell has proven to be so horrific that David has previously declined to talk about the subject, but last night he broke his silence to tell some of his newest friends all about it.
David was so enthralled by his charming new friends that he may have given away more information than he wanted to. But Unfortunately for David his friends were a bit like Vince Cable's new constituency friends, and they've told this reporter all about it.
The Hell began last Tuesday when David realised he was locked out of Downing Street for the fifth time in two days. He found it most unusual because he always had his keys with him, they just didn't work when he tried them in the door.
It was almost as if someone was changing the locks to his house every time he went out somewhere. David has many suspicions about who has been chaning his locks but he admits that most of them require the superhuman gift of invisibility. This is because the only way to get past all of Downing Streets Security is with an invisibility cloak.
David Cameron has set his secret Policemen the task of finding out if such a thing exists. They will today launch raids on all the scientific laboratories in Britain to make sure none of them has developed such dangerous invisibility technology.
Across town at Labour HQ, family and work colleagues were becoming increasing worried about the occasional disappearances of Ed Miliband. He is said to disappear for periods of up to 40 minutes at a time, and then re-appear quite suddenly out of the blue carrying a tool box and wearing a big smile on his face.
Insiders at Superhero HQ in New York say that this is all very promising news. They were a bit worried that Ed may not be up to the task of taking on the global terror of the Tombies (zombie/Tory Hybrids), but they admit that they now believe he may be going in the right direction.
A spokesman for the superheroes, called Batman, said "This is a very good start. I can see a future for Ed, now. Its invisible. He can be the invisible politician...but in a superhero way...not a boring way"
By Katarina Frogpond.