Written by Ben Macnair
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Topics: Marriage

Friday, 31 December 2010

LoveHate, the marriage counsellors of choice, has released surprising news. The Argos catalogue is said to be helping couples achieve physical heights they could only hope to reach before.

Mr Christopher Lueless from LoveHate said: 'It is as much of a surprise to us. We tried all the other books, The Joy of Sex, etc, but they did not have the desired effect. A lot of people said it was like reading an instruction manual. You know, part a goes in part b, part g should be jiggled until a good surface is achieved. One of our couples said that they may as well have been reading literature from IKEA…

He then asked us if IKEA did send any furniture, could they request a Billy Bookcase. We had to say no.

'Anyway' continued Mr Lueless, a man in his forties (He is 29) 'we thought if that was their attitude, they could have the Argos catalogue….And now our most dysfunctional couples are apparently putting rabbits to shame. Still, what can you say?'

He looked down for a while, read the catalogue….'It is great, don't get me wrong, but the multi-coloured book of dreams provides everything a modern man needs, but nothing that he wants…And I want a girl who wants me….'

The Argasm is now available from many high streets. Don't say you weren't warned, and just think, the sales are on soon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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