Written by Lady Godiva
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Wednesday, 29 December 2010

image for Police arrest five suspected Christian militants for planning to attack The Spoof newspaper offices-punishment said to include time spent with Subo Fanatics
Beware Christian Militants

Police arrest five suspected Christian militants for planning to attack a newspaper that printed amusing stories about Jesus, Son of God.

Following tips received early yesterday, police raided a semi-detached house at 2 a.m. this morning.

It was a surprise attack and the militants were taken into custody without incident.

Police spokesman, Ahmed Muhammed Muhammed, told the media,

"We've been closely watching the house where the arrests were made, for some time now. We were told by an informant that plans were being made to attack the offices of The Spoof newspaper for daring to print humorous stories of their Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, and his dad.

We searched the premises and discovered gallons of holy water destined for The Spoof offices as well as dozens of bibles hidden in false 'novel' covers - some religious brochures hidden between covers of "MAD" Magazines and a dozen boxes of chocolates which were found to contain chocolates with names such as:

Christian Caramel, Holy Hazlenut, Jellied Jesus, Bethlehem Brazil and Nazareth Nougat - to name a few.

The chocolates were individually wrapped in gold foil wrappers on which were printed 'scriptures'.

These militant Christians were going to attempt to convert some of the writers at The Spoof who are 'known atheists'.

The main problem they faced was they didn't have an address for the offices of The Spoof but said they weren't going to let that minor issue stop them from carrying out, what they said was a mission sent to them in a vision from God Almighty himself."

When asked what was to become of these Christian militants Ahmed Muhammed Muhammed told our reporter,

"Well, it's obvious that these people are extremely unstable. We feel it is our duty to keep the public safe so we have decided to send them to The Priory Clinic in London to spend some time with the Subo fanatics residing there. Some of these ladies are extremely religious. Spending time with The Red Scarf Brigade - as the fanatics are lovingly known, will most likely turn these Christian militants against all forms of religion.

It's easier and cheaper than sending them to prison...also more effective results will be achieved than could ever be achieved if these militants were to be detained at Her Majesty's Pleasure."

Much more as this story unfolds or implodes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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