Written by shea lo
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Topics: Food, Christmas, Royalty

Saturday, 25 December 2010

image for Fresh from the hunt Royal Glums celebrate Christmas wearing dead animals on their heads causing royal sycophants to show up at parties with half-eaten, left-over turkey and goose carcasses draped over their noggins
hellooo i'm a royal mutt. don't you just love me 'at?

The hunt's over and done. The foxes have been skinned; the beavers stripped; the pheasants plucked. All's well with the Glum Family. Off with his head. Bring on the hats!

In the Mine's Bigger Than Yours Parade, the Royal Glums stepped out on Christmas displaying a variety of dead animals on their heads. Headed by the furry Tsarina, er Queen, the hairy brigade consisted of an overblown Smurf-like Camilla - who was determined to out-hair her mom-in-law in the Wearing A Dead Furry Creature On My Head category.

Bringing up the rear were the rowdy little sparrows, lower on the totem pole but sporting spotty feathers tittering nonsensically.

After that it was on to the plucked goose, the port, the puds and the hem-hem speech to the nation. As glutted-out monarchists pulled down their fat-pants and shuffled their arses into squeaky armchairs Her Royal Furiness reminded the world about the importance of team re-cycling in what she called her Annus Recyclicus.

Saying "we must all set an example in tough economic times" she extolled the virtues of team recycling.

"As you can see", she reminded her dozy audience "we in the Firm are working as a team to curb excessive waste. We have not only eaten the bird and the beast but also used their furry hides and feathers to clothe ourselves just like our ancestors did a few hundred years ago".

She reminded the nation that the Royals had been forced to do so by the horrid Conservatives who had taken away a large portion of their Getting Dressed For Christmas budget.

Royal fashionista sycophants were overjoyed with many of them emulating the new trend by showing up at parties with leftover turkey and goose carcasses draped over their heads.

"Brilliant, it's absolutely brilliant. It's the absolutely new thing in recycling and being green", chanted top designer Vivian Deadwood who sported a stuffing-laden drippy goose carcass topped with holly berries and a solitary grouse feather.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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