London - (Pope's Nose Mess): A London housewife's Christmas descended into chaos today as the promise of precious goose liver inside her festive beast bit the dust.
Isle of Dogs resident Mrs Delia Cockfeather was at her kitchen worktop, looking forward to treating the family to her famous foie gras delicacy.
Delving elbow-deep inside the 8kg 'Taste The Deference' (sic) bird Mrs C rummaged around for a full two minutes.
Suddenly - and much to her surprise - out popped something that looked suspiciously like a nasty hairball that the resident Maine Coon frequently regurgitates all over the dining room carpet.
"Except it was long, curved at one end and strafed with veins," a disgusted Mrs C told gathered family and friends.
Subsequent prodding identified it as a poultry neck, probably twisted the month before in an act of traditional Yuletide strangulation.
As for the traditional goose liver that one normally expects to find inside a bird of this genus - and price! - there wasn't a trace.
"Bloody rip off supermarket!" Mrs Cockfeather wailed as further foragings inside the bird's cavity failed to yield the precious organ.
"That's the last time I buy anything from that bastard shop. Ten quid a kilo and they rip you off with a nasty bit of offal that might not even be genetically related to the goose.
"Where's my pint mug of Cherry Brandy?"