Written by shea lo
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Topics: Jamie Oliver

Thursday, 23 December 2010

image for Following his success with The King's Speech Geoffrey Rush to literally teach Jamie Oliver to literally stop saying literally all the time
Honey, I've literally set the table

[LONDON, UK - LITERALLY:] OK, as far as celeb chefs go he's fair to middling bish-bosh. He's bold enough to substitute fat with exotic ethnic spices. And when he's not lisping and spitting into his chicken pates and terrines - he's actually quite lovable with his silly, little boy pitter-patter. Yes, actually, not literally.

Now if there was literally some way to literally stop ole Jamie from literally saying literally all the time...like literally frying his fried chicken on an outdoor grill and literally spreading his marmite onto literally fried pieces of bread dusted with literally toasted cumin seeds, he could literally be watchable.

Help is on its way. Following his smashing portrayal of the speech therapist who helped an unsure and stuttering King George VI of Britain make a successful impromptu ascension to the throne, Geoffrey Rush offered to help Jamie Oliver.

"I say, it's pretty awful, that poor chap literally saying literally all the time".

He offered to work with the hyperactive young chef to overcome his unique - literal- speech impediment.

Jamie was thrilled to bits:

"Chuffed, I'm literally chuffed. I mean it's literally brilliant. Geoffrey Rush literally teachin' soddin' old me - I mean he's literally going to make me a literally pukka Englishman. It's literally the best Christmas present I've literally ever got."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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