As the Christmas season approaches, last minute gifts are being purchased by the few friends of the Lib Dems remaining. Vince Cable has yearly subscriptions to the 'Daily Telegraph' and the 'Sun' from a well wisher in Wapping.
Nick Clegg, just recovering from the shock of not being visited by any constituents wanting to chat with him, is looking forward to opening the parcel from some supporters called the Direct Action Students. He is quite sure it is a clock as he can hear it ticking.
Several LibDem Ministers, who talked to friendly young girls disguised as 'Daily Telegraph' reporters recently, have been given instructions on strip searching anyone else who comes to their surgeries. They are all feeling low at the moment, trying to get to the crotch of the problem.
Vince Cable has a present for the Hunt who is overseeing Murdoch's take over of BSkyB. No one knows what it is but it is sitting in the Hunt's office and liquid is seeping fom it. Hunt's do sometimes have this problem and it can be very embarrassing when self control is not enough.
The festivities will certainly go with a swing for one member of the Coalition Government. Ken Clarke, always keen on Swing, has a surprise in store from his Tory friends. It will have him Swinging as he jives around carried away by Billie Holiday's 'Strange Fruit'.
Ken will appreciate the lyrics about lynchings perpetrated by the Klu Klux Klan.