Written by IainB
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Thursday, 23 December 2010

image for Message from the police: Don't Sneeze and Drive
Sneezing while driving is dangerous - don't do it

Greater Manchester police chief, Superintendent Rudy Dancer, has a stark warning for motorists.

"We're currently in the flu season," Prancer said at a press conference this morning. "During this period of the year we see an increase in the number of drivers who sneeze while behind the wheel. We cannot stress just how dangerous this is, especially on a motorway."

While travelling at seventy miles an hour calculations on a Christmas cracker calculator state that a drivers eyes are closed for approximately ninety yards or seventy metres for the duration of a sneeze. Additionally, sneezes are one of the more violent involuntary actions which can cause the arms to shake, producing a sudden change of direction if those arms are attached to hands on a wheel of a vehicle.

"We have had two accidents this month which are directly attributable to sneezing," said Blitzen. "And this is two accidents too many. Fortunately, nobody has died, but it's only a matter of time."

The Superintendent Donner has some sage advice.

"While driving," said Cupid, "make sure that you blow your nose thoroughly before setting off. However, if you must sneeze whilst driving, please pull over to the side of the road before doing so, ensuring your vehicle is fully at rest before commencing with your sneezing."

The police are strongly against the use of medication to prevent sneezing. "Most anti-cold medication leaves the user feeling achey, congested and with a cough; all symptoms that impair reaction times."

Comet has one final message: "Be safe out there. And don't have nightmares."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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