LONDON - The original story of baby Jesus invokes love into many a person's heart. But some people feel it is outdated. The story will be remade to conform to the consumeristic and materialistic standards of today.
Firstly, Mary received a halo-gram on her new HTC Sense Android device from Gabriel. Jospeph came on a public transit system from Nazereth onto Bethlehem. Jesus was born in a bus station, because the Hilton was full up. THe three shepards drove in on the new Ford Focus (2011 model) The three wise men drove in on the new Chevolet Camaro SS (2011 model), and gave in gifts of Diesel for Men, Dove+Care for Men, and a host of Rolex watches.
Why the shift?
"Well it is simple," said Vince Cable, "we need to stimulate economy. Since no-one wants goats and donkeys and myrrh, and shit like that, we need to persuade foolish sheeple into buying stuff they don't want. So, there we go."
Already the release of this new 'revised' story has increased sales by over 200%, with more people than ever buying crap they won't use.
The Christian churches all across the nation accepted the story without hesitation.
This won't just be confined to Christmas. The story of witches burning (for Halloween), Eid (for Muslims), the tale of Jesus's resurrection (Easter), will all be converted into commercial stories.
Yay! Finally, no more cheesy T-shirts from my aunts. The commercialisation of Eid means that I will get real gifts. Of course uuhh... feeling for the poor is uhh... important. Not just the gifts. Yeah.