Newcastle has been hailed as an imposter amid claims that Christ will be reborn within the city over the festive period.
Religious leaders worldwide have condemned the city which is without a virgin or three wise men.
The ladies of Newcastle are notorious for claiming immaculate conceptions after a night on the toon.
Drunken skanks litter the quayside most nights and its not surprising that so many fatherless children roam the slums of the city. Keegan, the most popular boys name in the city is closely followed by Jez, following the councils claims that the son of God will be reborn a Geordie.
"It's a shame" said one young floosy " Jesus wud like it ere, we've got some canny bars and we like a laugh"
God has refused to comment on the subject although its expected that he will destroy the city with a tidal wave of curry sauce and chps as a punishment for the sinners..