LONDON - In a sneaky sly way in the City, the snow which has caused untold traffic and emergency service misery, is the bankers' gold.
While the snow is diverting attention away from huge super-bonuses and the fact that Russia won the 2014 WC bid, means that no-one will give a damn.
"Haha!" said a higher-up at HSBV, on a secret recording by this reporter posing as a cleaner - alright I actually work there but nonetheless, "Using some device some evil genius invented to pour snow across major airports and cities, we caused the greatest snow fall this century. Technically, this century. And then we 'paid' the judges to 'vote' for Russia and Qutar. Now, lets celebrate by paying ourselves with our taxpayer's hard-earned cash."
When this audio clip was shown to Reuters, the BBC, the AP, no-one cared.
"Look!" said a BBC journalist to this reporter. "They're registering over 20 centimetres (8in) in Birmingham! Plymouth is the warmest place in the nation! The World Cup judges were high on nutmeg! Screw these bankers."
After being turned down by several journalists for a real story, a bunch of guys in suits approached him.
"Listen... Mr. I. Hopeless," they said. "You got some news, eh? Well, we've got a reigonal story for the West Midlands. Your head on a pike."