London - (Gong Hits 4 Hogwarts!): A simple £10 million bung to the Duke of Edinburgh University medical school was all it took.
It will fund the building of a dedicated treatment center for degenerative personality diseases - to treat plagiarists and other congenital story thieves.
News of the Damehood for Services To Fiction sees the government's Awards and Honors Committee schmooze one of New Labour's biggest ever con artists.
Rowling's adoption of the ID and persona of the real Harry Potter series author has been lauded as a real class act.
It's also a tribute to her mendacious alkie DNA birth mother Anne 'The Weakest Stink' Robinson and an anonymous IRA tosspot father.
Among Rowling's myriad achievements was spawning a Prince William lookalike with ex-Prime Monster Tony Blair.
That brat became a royal shoo-in circa 1986 when Prince Charles topped his sons Wills and Harry following a cocaine-fuelled lost weekend.
Prematurely balding doppelganger 'William' has never looked back - and shows signs of immense promise with his latest milking of the royal role.
"Yeah, but look what shit he's getting himself into," celebwatch site LA FagHagSlagMag sources commented today.
"Marrying Cherry Bush's stick insect daughter by Bill Clinton is hardly a Lifetime Achievement gong, is it?"
Kate Middleton is a very silly little twat indeed.