Written by Mike Gatspy
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Topics: Dogs, Art, Turner Prize

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

A mongrel called Hirsty is causing a real sensation in the art world and has been installed by bookmakers William Hill as a warm favourite to scoop the 2011 Turner prize.

Hirsty, a 7 year old mongrel from Sheffield, has in recent weeks been leaving magnificent ice sculptures on the pavements of the city as his faeces freeze on contact with the air. He has produced many magnificent logs, which have proved popular among local modern art connoisseurs, but his masterpieces have included a map of Sri Lanka (sold for £20,000 as the first canine masterpiece), which was then bettered by a magnificent map of Australia, considered very unusual for a canine artist. This will shortly be on display at the Tate Modern in Liverpool.

He did attempt Tasmania in the same session, but this was stolen by a man with a scooper and it is not known if the work has survived.

His greatest work is a pile of indeterminate shape, which experts claim represents "The primary selfishness of all living entities in a modern multicultural society."

Hirsty's proud owners, Eric and Pauline Postlethwaite are astonished at the faeces being produced. Said Eric, "Everyone thinks we called him Hirsty in honour of the artist, but until the last couple of weeks we have had no interest in modern art. I'm a Constable man myself. In fact, we had three from the litter and called them Hirsty, Kirsty and Thirsty. As you can probably guess, Pauline is a poet." The Postlethwaites have insured Hirsty's bowels for £3 million.

Sheffield council are keen to point out that although they are immensely proud of the city's new star, they do not encourage any old crap to be deposited on their pavements to be sold as cheap imitations. They do however plan to hold a yearly exhibition of Hirsty's work and hope to attract art lovers and dog lovers alike from around the world.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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