Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Christmas

Monday, 20 December 2010

image for White Christmas Fear For Britain
Who left the bloody toilet seat up again?!?!

The lines of the famous old song are ringing out in the aisles of every department store and supermarket in Britain, but it's the harsh reality that has got tongues wagging in bitter complaint as the whole country remains enveloped in a white shroud of snow.

"I'm dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the ones I used to know"

but for many, the snow has become the latest focal point for their incessant, relentless and remorseless ranting, even surpassing their hatred of rain, overly-hot summer days and traffic congestion.

A white Christmas, once thought of as mythical, has become the reality for thousands of snowed-up Britons, who can't even get to the shops for their staple Christmas dietary fayre of beer and fags.

One man we spoke to said:

"I can't even get to the shops for my staple Christmas dietary fayre of beer and fags. I blame the government."

Another said:

"It's lovely on Christmas cards, but I can't get out to sign on. I've had to go on the sick in order to get me handouts. It's disgusting!"

But one man who was rejoicing at the record snowfall was Bangkok resident, social commentator and ravenous attention-seeker, Moys Kenwood, who said:

"Moan, moan, moan. If it isn't the snow, it's the rain. If it isn't the rain, it's the sun that's too hot. If it isn't that, it's the price of bread. Or the traffic on the way home. Or the toilet seat being left up. Will these people never stop complaining?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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