There is spreading alarm at Buckingham Palace due to the Queen's head having gone missing. Fears are growing that the noble head may be lost.
A Royal Proclamation has been issued in gold lettering:
If anyone comes across the Head of the Queen could they return it to Buckingham Palace. No stamp required.
The Government meeting in emergency session have announced that they will 'stamp out any activity that could put the Queen's head at risk.'
A constitutional lawyer has been advising the Government about the implications of a Headless Queen reigning. 'This has been unknown in this country since the days of Charles I. We hope that this is not a precedent for Charles III.'
A search for the monarch's missing mind is underway and the Police are examining a number of CCTV images of heads found floating in the Thames. These were however heads attached to bodies and could not be the Queen's.
Regulars at the Queen's Head in Barking have been considering whether it would be appropriate to keep the name of the pub as it is. 'It seems disrespectful' declared Royalist Regular Roger Room 'we must consider another name. We think Charles' Head would do well but there is quite a feeling for William's Head. But perhaps the Queen's Head will turn up and solve our problem.'
There are worries about how the Queen can deliver her Christmas message without a head.