Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 19 December 2010

image for Is Kara Tointon ready to dump Artem Chigvintsev for recycled Liz Hurley shag Shane Warne?
Just one lewd one text message was enough for her delicate inner muscles to suddenly swell!

London - (Now The Carnival Is Over): "Fancy a Last Tango in Paris, Kara?" was the lurid text left on Kara's mobile as she danced her way to Strictly glory with Artem last night.

This morning Kata Tointon's ass - er...arm! - was in a sling following a suspected repetitive strain injury.

This 'was probably incurred' by frantic S&MS messaging back to the saucy mystery admirer, a PR source explained today.

She'd just managed to squeeze in a first, considered reply following a knock-out rumba with her Russian dance svengali during a brief dancefloor interval.

But that one text message was enough for her delicate inner muscles to suddenly swell under the pressure of it all!

Today the lovely Miss T (and supposed Cheryl Cole lookalike) learned that ageing Oz cricket lothario Shane Warne was favorite for having left the lewd suggestion on her phone.

Dumped on Friday by Camilla Parker Bowles' bastard daughter Liz Hurley the former Australia captain is on the prowl for another tasty brunette to impress with his ball handling skills.

Artem Chigvintsev meanwhile has challenged the Oz philanderer to put up or shut up.

Famous cricketing hero Warne once famously claimed to have shagged his way through 1,000 women.

"Yes, but they were all dogs, like La Hurley herself," Artem told reporters later this afternoon.

Ann Widdecombe is 104.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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