Newby village's newest mayor, Arthur Askme, has announced that the village is planning a Snow Aid fundraiser in order to help all villagers who were traumatized and institutionalized as a result of the whopping 2 cm snowfall this week.
Many residents are having to be treated for PTS syndrome. Tney are residing, at present in the Hospital's Psychiatric unit. Unable to pay for treatment the Mayor has decided that the Snow Aid fundraiser is a good route to go, having heard of the success of Live Aid and other such benefits.
Susan Boyle has been contacted and it is hoped that she will accept the offer to 'star' in Snow Aid. She loves a 'good cause' and we are, therefore, optimistic that she will appear.
A helicopter flew over Newby yesterday evening. It was painted red and it proceeded to drop packages, many packages. On inspection, the packages contained hundreds of red scarfs, bibles and hand-made quilts. Blessings from Subo fanatics were also found in the packages, audio tapes of American women screeching blessings, quoting scriptures and praying for the residents of Newby.
One hand-written note, written and signed by twin Subo fanatics, promised that they would visit the village and carry out some much needed Missionary Work as soon as the snow cleared and when they have their final 'release date' from the Priory Clinic in London, confirmed.
The villages have heard about these Red Scarf wielding menaces and are, as I type, formulating a plan over phone-lines, in an effort to keep these fanatics at bay.
At least this 'threat' has taken their minds off the snow for a while.
More as we get it.