A student rioter, named "Dan the Revolutionary", has claimed that a bomb found inside his dog does not belong to him. He said "just because the bomb was found inside my dog doesn't mean the bomb is mine. I'm a peaceful protester and I don't agree with violence."
The bomb was found on Thursday night during routine terrorist scanning at a bus station in London, and the area was cleared for bomb disposal. The bomb disposal team had initially planned to just blow up the dog in a controlled explosion, but when they found out how nice Dan's Black Labrador Murphy was, they decided to dispose of the bomb in a way that would save his life.
The bomb was successfully removed from Murphy on Saturday morning after extensive surgery, and the dog is expected to make a full recovery. But Dan says he was treated like an evil, dog-hating terrorist because the police instantly jumped to the conclusion that he had fed his dog explosives.
Dan says that he only has one theory about how the bomb came to be residing within his dog's intestines, and its a very sad story that involves the disappearance of his very good friend Doom.
Dan went round to see his fellow Student rioter friend, Doom, last Thursday because he was suffering from depression. Doom is a computer hacker who doesn't like the harshness of today's society and finds it very difficult to cope. He is a frequent worshipper at the Temple of WikiLeaks and it had recently become his ambition to sacrifice himself to raise awareness of the plight of his Mansion-imprisoned hero Julian Assange.
Dan said that Doom said some very strange things that night and, coincidentally, appeared to be manufacturing a big bomb out of semtex. In a further coincidence, that Police are finding very hard to believe, Doom has now disappeared off the face of the earth, and no one appears to remember that he ever existed... except Dan.
Police believe that Doom never existed either, and think that Dan is indeed the owner of the bomb. Dan is hoping to obtain the services of the excellent lawyer who is acting on behalf of the Wikileaks boss Julian Assange. He is hoping the legal genius will help him avoid charges. He also added that "My friend, Doom, is a danger to himself and to others and I don't think he should be walking the streets. The police should be looking for him, instead of imprisoning me. I'm a peace-loving student rioter and I love my dog"
Dan's friends and family have tonight revealed that they think that unless Doom is found soon, Dan shall be doomed to spend Christmas in prison. His parents think that's okay, though, because they're really enjoying looking after his dog.
By Katarina Frogpond.