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Friday, 17 December 2010

image for Pensioners Riot Over Public Toilet Price Increase
Help the Aged Gang Leader. Mrs Aida Mumps

The government was in turmoil today when hundreds of old age pensioners descended on Downing street and caused considerable damage to buildings and public property during hours of rioting.

Home Office spokesperson, Askew Smythe, said the government had no choice but to increase the public toilet levy from 10 pence to 20 pence because the economy could not carry the burden of subsidised toilet facilities throughout the capitol.

Inspector Corner, of the Yard said, What started out as a peaceful protest soon descended into a riot when Mrs Enid Puwties request to use the toilet at No 10 was refused.

Within seconds, my officers were pelted with colostomy bags, false limbs, false teeth and soiled underpants. Some offices were also beaten with walking sticks and tins of cat food. At one point, a zimmer frame was used as a battering ram against Downing Street gates.

At the height of the riot, the pensioners were seen throwing used tea bags at police vehicles and urinating on the WRVS tea trolley.

Protest leader, Sid Senile said he did not intend to riot, but Enids bag was full and she needed to empty it. When they refused her entry to No 10, the police started to push us back, so we had a go. We started poking them with our umbrellas, they don't like it up em you know!

Help the Aged gang member, Alf Gooner said he was angry about the toilet price increase. "I have to piss every 2 minutes mate, how am I going to afford them prices? And, when I've had me ten pints of mild, I get the shits, an my house is half a mile from the pub!"

The government said it will review the price increase and introduce it when most of these old bastards are dead.

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