Buckingham Palace sources have revealed that the US President and First Lady will not receive an invitation to the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. This is despite the fact that US Presidents attended the weddings of Prince Charles and Prince Andrew.
A Palace insider said, "We were mortified when Reagan arrived at St Paul's Cathedral, on horseback and dressed like Roy fucking Rogers. We are worried the Obamas will come dancing down the aisle doing a bit of the old happy-clapping evangelical stuff. And besides, it seems the US/UK relationship is not so 'special' these days, so they can fuck right off".
It also seems that few other VIPs are set to be invited, as William and Kate have declared they want the occasion to be 'a wedding for the people'. The guest list is likely to consist of representatives from Britain's homeless, unemployed, illegal immigrants, radical Islamists and Members of Parliament. A sole working taxpayer will be present, in order that those who are footing most of the bill are represented.
In a further attempt to connect with the people, on the big day, William will be dressed in something from the George range from Asda. Kate will be dressed by Dorothy Perkins, with flowers by Interflora.