Written by Kirby
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Friday, 17 December 2010

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Queen Elizabeth's sensational decision to reject her invitation to the Royal Variety Show in order to go underwear shopping with prospective family member Kate Middleton has sent shockwaves through the Royal Family.

Her Majesty, spotted in a quiet corner of Ann Summers running the rule over their latest line of PVC catsuits, hasn't missed a variety performance for over 30 years.That is until last night.

Stars like Cheryl Cole and Take That were shocked when after waiting in line for over half an hour, they were greeted by surrogate queen-for-a-night Louis Spence clutching on to the arm of a suitably sheepish Prince Phillip.

The Queen's behaviour will not have surprised everyone though. Eyebrows were raised earlier this year when The Queen was repeatedly seen lunching with notorious lothario Mickey Rourke, leading to the now infamous 'wrestle-off' between Phillip and Rourke that Her Royal Highness insisted was the only way to prove who was most deserving of her affection.

Not that Her Majesty seems to care whose eyebrows are raised though. She was overheard last night by eavesdropping shoppers saying '' I used to meet Pip at the door with just nipple tassles, one of Anne's riding crops and my mortar board.'' But Contrary to her advice, Middleton is believed to have plumbed for a silk night-dress which the Queen ruefully accepted before branding girls of today 'frightfully frigid'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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