Fears are growing about the British weather. As forecasters predict ice and snow of unprecedented levels throughout the Christmas period the terrible facts are becoming clear to everyone.
Our Christmas could be a TOTAL WIPEOUT.
We face the grim future over Christmas of snow over our heads and ice freezing every river in the country. As a result there will be NO FOOTBALL.
Not only that there will be no travel as every airport is closed, every train is cancelled and every car is unable to travel. Even Father Christmas is considering his travel arrangements - thereby disappointing millions of children.
No postal service will operate so presents will remain undelivered. Turkies ready for consumption will not be in shops and what little remains in supermarkets will be snapped up by hoarders who brave the snow. Many supermarkets will not even open.
As everyone breathlessly listens to the weather forecast our screens will go blank. TV's will be freezing up and weather presenters will be stuck in snowdrifts unable to speak to any camera about how excited they are.
But there is a good side to these tragic predictions. Throughout Christmas we will have something to talk about. We will learn the value of drinking water from melted snow. We will learn as a nation that nothing can defeat us!