Protected by a chic kevlar 'stab vest', Labour MP Harriet "Harridan" Harmon addressed her constituency in Camberwell & Peckham surrounded by a phalanx of armed security, and hailed her fellow fiddling MPs "heroes" for sending money 'home' so support 'struggling' family members.
"These men and women should be recognized for their selflessness,' she intoned, to an ever restless crowd of taxpayers," they struggle to make do on their meager salaries in order to represent their constituents, but still manage to scrape together a few quid to send home to Ireland, Wales, Liverpool, Scotland, and Glastonbury every week to their suffering families and especially their deprived partners!"
Harmon later brought up in the House of Commons a bill to preclude public prying into financial remuneration in PMs' affairs (again), a measure to require the immediate payment of expense vouchers without the need for vetting, increased payments to spouses not able to live in London with their mates either due to considerations of school age children, or the fact that the MP had already secured a surrogate mate that was filling the marital bed, and quite nicely at that, thank you very much!
Ms. Harmon, a self avowed Feminist, a fact she doesn't hesitate to highlight with a capital F, is allegedly married to a man she met on a picket line some 30 years ago, and the couple reportedly have 3 children, an inconvenient fact which somewhat taints her stance on Human Rights, especially for women!
Ms. Harmon seems always to be in a bit of a rush to aid her fellow MPs, as she has been cited 3 times for speeding, and just this January for a more serious infraction for causing a motor car accident whilst railing on her cellphone. She was let off with a mild caution when it was revealed that she had been unduly upset when she found out her husband had failed to do the hoovering and was late setting up the slow cooker for the evening meal, meaning it would be yet another late candlelight dinner and the laundry wouldn't get done. Again!
Residents in Peckham are still perplexed regarding the fact she is the longest sitting female MP,but shrug it off to the vagaries and complex issue of "Politics as Usual."
For her longevity in British Politics , unwavering support of Militant Feminism and Creative Accounting in managing 'household expenses' Ms. Harmon is recognized this week as The Spoof's Featured Wanker (FW).
This completely random award is assigned regardless of gender, but in this case, Who Really Knows, Or Cares, as she apparently could go either way on the issue.