Written by Herrdoktorfox
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Topics: TV

Monday, 13 December 2010

image for TV soap on a rope?
An ITV Executive working out potential financial savings.

Heads of ITV light entertainment are currently soiling their respective underwear in delight at the sudden upsurge in viewing figures.

The latter were primarily boosted by the weekly mentally challenged series, The XYZ-Factor, which weekly featured a motley crew of failed experiments attempting to become potential Z list celebrities.

But without a doubt, it was the disaster packed Coronation Street that really cut it, with virtually half the cast wiped out over a couple of episodes ITV have successfully saved a fucking fortune in salaries.

The savings will go part way in paying off Anton Decs huge annual salary for for doing sweet fuck-all 52 weeks of any year other than behave like a hyper lunatic in front of a camera.

Spurred by this huge financial saving Channel 5, who are currently down to their last 20p-hence the endless CSI/NCIS repeats, think they have cracked it already. Seemingly, Home and Away will shortly see the entire cast swept away by an awesome Tsunami which, with any luck will also sweep across Australia taking out the entire Neighbours cast with it as well!

Meanwhile, plans are a afoot within ITV to overhaul Emmerdale, provisional storyline concerns a mass outbreak of Mad Cow Disease and the on-screen shooting of all female cast members. This in turn would leave just males in the cast and a whole lot of sheep! Thus, Emmerdale could be moved to a late night slot due to the 'expected' explicit adult content that might then occur between man and beast.

Sources at the BBC are also considering something untoward for Eastenders but as this show has already covered every disaster short of Nuclear War scriptwriters are somewhat stumped at present.

SKY TV News cougar Kay Burley is putting on a bullet proof vest to be on the safe side!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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