Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 13 December 2010

image for Harriet Harman Identifies Top Ten Most Socially Destructive Melodies Systematically Imposed on Society by Late Year Faith-Focused Event
Harman: An appropriate title would be 'Rudolph, a diligent endangered species with a distinct individuality'

MP Harriet Harman today continued leading Britain down a long, lonely, winding road through the wilderness of ignorance and self-interest and toward a brighter equal future with prizes for all.

Her latest targets are the songs that dare not speak their names, Christmas carols and other music of the festive season.

"They may be set to music," snapped Harman, "but they are nothing more than inequality-sustaining conspiracies set to a lovely tune."

Her top ten least wanted include:

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen: 'as ever, women are entirely excluded. And, of course, it's all about Jesus, which leaves most other belief systems at a complete disadvantage.'

We Three Kings of Orient Are: 'an Imperialist adjective to describe the indigenous people of Asia and entirely excluding any reference to women in positions of authority.'

I Saw Three Ships: 'glorifies a mode of transportation that damages the environment and is largely the province of the upper and upper middle classes, save for the learned-skill individuals who labour to serve them. Additionally, factually incorrect as Bethlehem is not a port city so none of the ships referenced could actually sail there.'

Santa Claus is Coming to Town: 'justifies exclusionary criteria that reward the rich and punish revenue minimalists. Shall we continue to deny those without the privileges inextricably linked to higher tax bands, simply on the basis they make life choices that narrow the collective benefit?'

While Shepherds Watched their Flocks: 'the working class exploited through unjust terms of employment forcing them to work long hours without adequate compensation.'

White Christmas: 'The racist title speaks for itself.'

"Beneath these insidious melodies, evil lies," she said. "A sinister threat to those with less in this country and those of alternative value paradigms. So long as I lead and breathe, this will not stand."

When questioned, Harman reluctantly conceded there was little she could actually do about the matter other than talk about it. She denied her case was further weakened by the fact virtually nobody else gave a toss because Christmas is pretty and fun.

"Utter fiction!" Harman argued. "Do you not believe that had they really existed, the Cratchits would be anything other than tireless Marxists demanding the redistribution of wealth in Victorian Britain?"

Make Catherine the Average's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 3?

3 6 15 21
46 readers are online right now!

Go to top