Written by Morse
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Sunday, 12 December 2010

image for Simon Cowell on Talent Search for Body Double As Camilla Says "No More Bloody Public Appearances, You Twat!"
Found Under the Boardwalk in Asbury Park; The Next Camilla?

Consternation turned to constipation in certain royal quarters today after it was learned that Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, has refused to attend any more public ceremonies accompanying her husband after a near fatal confrontation with yobs left her traumatized.

While a spokesman for the royals tried to brush off the incident where the Prince of Wales was attacked in his car as "good natured fun by young students who thought they were tossing off a few gypsies in an old wreck of a car," Camilla is said to be having none of the usual royal sugar coated desert, calling that explanation a 'pile of Royal shite!"

According to an operative from MI5, in charge of counter intelligence (sic), the palace has tasked Realty Show icon Simon Cowell, with finding a body double stand in for the rather dowdy Camilla.

After a random Google search under " finding old Cows", Simon is said to have focused his attention on the Colonies, and the New Jersey shore in particular.

Soon after screening a recent episode of 'Jersey Shore', a reality show guaranteed not to be picked up by the BBC, unless the Duchess of York has her way, talent scouts have been dispatched to Asbury Park, Sea Bright, Manasquan, Pt. Pleasant, Brielle, and Belmar in search of the perfect replacement.

Offering a $25k reward for just the right stand in, Cowell said he has been inundated with leads. The hottest tip just came in from a shore resident of Scottish descent, who sent in a 1954 graduation picture from the now closed Oakhurst Grammar School, with one young girl's picture treated with state of the art photo aging techniques.

Said the hopeful informant, " I think this is what she looks like now. She should be just perfect for your needs as she was a right cow even back then and could only have gotten worse!"

Meanwhile, several agents have been getting discouraged. Said one, "so far I've only come up with girls with mustachios under their nose, dark curly hair, tits that are out of proportion to the rest of their body, and I've found that they can't hold their liquor which would prove to be a right handful for HRH."

The mood brightened, somewhat, after Simon was text a picture of a quite fetching Transvestite in San Francisco who had just been laid off from her job peeling potatoes in a soup kitchen and handing out absentee ballots to illegal aliens. According to her advert found on Craigslist, she said she would be willing to do anything, loved spankings, and was very attentive, claiming she was 'all ears!"

Simon Cowell. No one better in discovering raw talent!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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