Written by ExiledRoyal
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Sunday, 12 December 2010

image for UK Police to revive 'Shoot to Kill' policy
In and out in 90 seconds is Mr. Paddick's experience.

In the light of the recent 'Tuition fees' riots, and the criticism levied at the police for their poor management, the Met have made some sweeping and radical changes to the way that they manage some events.

Met spokespersonnage Ronald Schwarzenegger was interviewed on the BBC earlier today. "The 'softly-softly' approach patently doesn't work. We can't just stand by and watch these thugs do what they please whilst we stand by wringing our hands and wielding our night-sticks."

Asked by correspondant Andrew Marr how they would change their approach Mr. Schwarzenegger replied, "Well, the first thing we're going to do is introduce M1 Assault Rifles. One warning is all they'll get and then we'll just shoot the bastards where they stand, right in their pinko-pansy little heads. That'll send out a strong message not to piss the nation off."

Brian Paddick, ex-Chief Constable, was also interviewed. He described other measures that are being considered. "First, Ninja Warriors. They're discreet, ruthless and the little shits won't see them coming."

Andrew Marr pressed him on further measures. Mr. Paddick warmed to his task. The openly gay ex-Officer told him, "We've considered Water Cannons in the past, but frankly they don't shoot as much as I'd like to see. I like a squirt that is profuse and knocks perpetrators to the floor, but they just don't do the job. Now, exchange the water for Superglue and you've got a weapon that is, frankly, a whole lot more spunky. Plus the fact that in six or ten seconds they won't be able to move and we can bludgeon them to our heart's content."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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