Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Saturday, 11 December 2010

image for X-Factor Matt Cardle's Dark Secret Past Revealed
The Chess Championship was held in Russia.

It has been revealed tonight that Matt Cardle has a dark secret past that he never wanted anyone to know about. But tonight, for the very first time, his ex-best friend Jeremy has told Spoof News about the secret betrayal that almost cost him his life.

The betrayal began during the grand final of the European Under 15s Chess Championship. Jeremy was on course to win when Matt deliberately glued Jeremy's feet to the ground. This meant Jeremy could not get to the Chess board to play in the finals, and so by default Matt won the game and was declared champion. Jeremy became the joke of the Chess World and his chances of becoming a grand master were destroyed.

Jeremy who had up until that point, been Matt's closest friend at Posh School says he will never forgive Matt for what he did. It was a betrayal of the highest order and will stay with him forever.

Jeremy suffered years of depression as a result and thinks that Matt's dirty tactics in the world of chess were also to blame for every other failure he has ever suffered in his life.

Therefore, he now blames Matt for the failure of three of his marriages, the decline of his golf hanidcap and ... the collapse of the Madoff Investment group that he worked for for two years before it was destroyed (indirectly) by Matt Cardle and his terrible Chess betrayal.

Jeremy also blames Matt for Global warming and the WikiLeaks scandal. In fact Jeremy is now so bitter and spiteful he blames Matt for the demise of the dinosaurs, too. And all of this because of one little chess game.

But the lesson that Jeremy has taken from the glue incident is that Matt uses this same secret weapon in every competition he ever enters.

Although Jeremy has found the telling of this terrible tale to be exceptionally harrowing, he said he had to tell it tonight because he now believes that both Rebecca and Cher are in terrible danger of being glued to the floor, just like he was.

He has appealed to Simon Cowell to check Matt's pockets for glue before the start of the competition. He believes that this precaution will save the show and make sure that the right person wins. That person is REBECCA.

By Katarina Frogpond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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