Tate Britain has unveiled a completely bare tree for Christmas this year.
Giorgio Sadotti's Norwegian Spruce, entitled Flower Ssnake, is naked apart from a coiled bullwhip and a circle of silver postcards around its base. The whip will be used during a ceremony on Twelfth Night when the spirit of Christmas will be driven out of the London gallery.
Art Luvvies are heralding it as a masterpiece, but Joe Public have already seen through the charade.
John Constable (no relation) told us: "What a complete and utter load of old crap. Sadotti is obviously a tosspot. It's what the Tate do best. They fill up a room with Cornish Pasties and call it art. I want my money back."
"For me, the challenge was to present a tree that was naturally effortless," Sadotti said. John Constable's attitude towards that, "Damn right, like the artist's own work. He might as well fill the Tate with excrement. Even that wouldn't be as shit as this."